(Image from Open Culture)
Lately, my dreams have typically been pretty opaque, even when I remember them in great detail. Not so for one I had early this morning, which hit right at the heart of something I’ve been suspecting for awhile:
I was at my grandparents’ house, and my grandmother was there. I was strumming a homemade guitar (“Hope of Deliverance” by Paul McCartney) that one of my student employees had made for me, when she asked me to be quiet – there was a raging storm outside, and she was concerned that we might suffer a flood. There was a bank of five or six radios beside her, all tuned in such a way to give an alert if a flood was imminent. But if it didn’t flood, then she would take me to the library.
Pieces of background to this dream: My grandparents’ house, both in waking life when I was younger and now in dreams, has always represented a place of safety, security, and a place I could step back and consider things. My grandmother, I believe for various reasons, only rarely appears in my dreams. (My grandfather is much more present, but he wasn’t in this one.) I used to spend weekends with my grandparents as a child and teenager, and these visits would always include a trip to the local library, which I thus ended up going to far more often than the one in my hometown. To this day, when I’m in the town where my grandparents lived, I still like to drop by that library. As far as radios go, my love of radios goes way back – definitely before the Internet, and in many ways I loved them more than television. Especially once I discovered shortwave, radios were my windows into a larger world, especially when I lived in remote and isolated places.
The flood and storm imagery is always plain in my dreams, too. They’ve always seemed to represent emotions, particularly powerful ones. Often I’m viewing these floods and storms from a protected place – like my grandparents’ house – but sometimes, such as in this dream, there is a threat of that protection being swept away.
And finally, waking life has gotten much more overwhelming lately. Nothing new added to the mix, fortunately, but a lot more of the factors that make me feel as often as not that I’m slowly being choked to death by a hand that’s also pushing me into a corner. The thought of “Are things always going to be like this?” has become more prevalent. The fear that yes, they will be, that there won’t be any relief, has been more prevalent. The fear that everything I’ve worked for and towards will come crashing down around my ears has become more prevalent.
Thus a vicious cycle is born. When these feelings mount, my spiritual work lessens, diminishes. When my spiritual work lessens and diminishes, those feelings and fears get worse.
It may be that my dreams have been trying to get this message through to me for awhile now, but this one made it easy to remember and interpret: I need to rein in all of those fears and negative emotions if I want to make any more spiritual progress at all. (And, I suspect, not lose the progress I’ve made over the last few months.)
The flood and storm imagery I detailed above. The song “Hope of Deliverance” contains the telling line “Hope of deliverance / from the darkness that surrounds us” – but despite the words, I was just making noise in the dream, just distracting myself, rather than doing anything that would prevent the storm. My grandmother’s rare appearance – whether it’s a real visitation from her, another guide in her image, or my own Higher Self manifesting her image – is notable enough that I likely wouldn’t forget the dream. Either way, I let my grandmother be my guide in many other things when I was alive, and certainly would in this too.
And the promise of the library? A happy, sacred place to me, while also a literally and a metaphor for access to vast realms of knowledge.
Rein in the negative emotions and the fear, before they flood over you, before you get overwhelmed by them. Don’t distract yourself from the work you need to do – even if it doesn’t seem like a distraction at the time. If you can do this, then I will take you to the library – I will guide you to greater knowledge and awareness.
Sounds like a good plan to me.
In related news, a hardback copy of Seth Speaks that I ordered awhile back arrived yesterday. I specifically ordered a hardcover because this copy is more durable – I hate wrecking books, and I was reading Seth often enough that I was wearing out the paperbacks. This copy should get worry-free heavy use.