(Photograph by the author)
Like a lot of people, I’ll wake up in the middle of the night feeling anxious. Actually in my case it’s usually anxiety mixed with depression and often a sense of foreboding. The same thing will happen when I have to get up early (for me, especially now that I work evenings and nights, “early” means before 8 am), which is part of the reason I’ve never been a morning person. The waking-with-anxiety has been with me since I was a kid, though the inclusion of depression and foreboding has steadily been getting worse over the last few years.
Last night, not only did I not wake up in the middle of the night (which was doubly nice since I had to get up early-for-me), but I remember having a dream where I was being taught how to laugh. I don’t remember any details, just that – being taught to laugh.
This morning, coincidence or not, the anxiety-depression-foreboding didn’t have me in their grip when I woke up. They weren’t exactly gone, but they were in the background rather than clawing at the front of my brain and half-paralyzing me.
I’ll take that. I don’t mind getting lessons in laughter either.
* * *
Sometimes I’ll write something in this blog like, oh, for example, “I haven’t been able to do any meditation lately because of this-and-that.” And suddenly that night, I’ll be able to meditate again. It’s as if just acknowledging here in M&I that I haven’t done something opens a door in doing it.
I wrote yesterday that I hadn’t been able to meditate because my brain was being too rambunctious. Then a few hours later, once I laid down for the night, I started meditating almost completely unbidden.
Despite its frenetic activity of the last few days, my brain was now quiet, and I felt myself drifting into an involuntary meditation like a rowboat catching a breeze on a lazy lake. I’d been thinking about politics a lot that day, and had been extra-political on social media, and so I guess those concerns were still humming along in the background. Now, I don’t mean to turn this blog political, and I really don’t even want to get political for this entry, but it’s relevant to the purpose of M&I in general and something I want to record here in particular. So here goes:
As I was drifting I happened to wonder about how the new administration was going to affect the environment, something I care deeply about. And the image that flashed into my head was a burning forest. A huge forest with giant flames leaping into the air – imagine the Yellowstone fire of 1988 if you want to get the picture.
That didn’t particularly make me happy, but it came with the awareness that precognition was in tune for tonight and I was welcome to ask about other things too. So with some trepidation but much more curiosity (and an understanding that what I see might not have obvious meaning, I proceeded):
LGBT Rights: I saw an enormous protest of both people and signs completely filling my “field of vision”. I couldn’t read the signs, so I don’t know if they were marching in favor or against.
The Secretary of State: This one came with two pictures superimposed over one another. One was a frontal profile of someone sitting at a desk as if giving a speech on television – an older male with a black suit and dark and gray hair. The man in that image seemed somewhat younger. The other image was a tank with its turret swiveling off to the side.
The Secretary of Defense: This was a static image of a group of soldiers standing together wearing camo and gas masks. The camo was green even though they seemed to be in the desert. This didn’t quite make sense to me, though I saw an article just this morning that the Marines are getting read of brown camo in favor of wearing the woodland pattern all year round.
The Constitution: I saw it rolled up and gripped by a tight fist. The arm leading to the fist wore a suit with cuff links.
My Hometown: The image was simply pretty much what it looks like now, so I assume this means it won’t change significantly in the near future.
Where I Live Now: I saw an image of my street with a haze and gentle rain. I didn’t see any people, but that’s not unusual – my work schedule typically keeps me home at a time when everyone else is working, and vice versa. For a moment I wondered if the image represented something like Ray Bradbury’s story “There Will Come Soft Rains” – his story about a robotic-automated house fulfilling its functions even though its inhabitants are all dead from a nuclear war – but the feeling was more cozy than foreboding. Despite my caveat about my work schedule above, though, it did feel a little lonely. But frankly, it sometimes feels a little lonely now anyway.
The World in General: I thought about skipping this one here because of the overt political overtones (I do want to keep political discussions off of this blog), but never mind. When I wondered about the state of the world in the next year / few years I saw an image of the Earth spinning slowly in space, superimposed with a picture of the president-elect’s head – positioned in such a way that it was next to the world and the same size – shouting at the globe.
The United States: I saved this one for last because I don’t have the first clue what the image could mean, and I haven’t even been able to make a guess. What I saw were a series of what looked like floating crystals of various rounded and angled geometric shapes, all transparent as if they were perfect, flawless quartz, and all set against a pitch black background. One of them was a triangle casting a prismatic rainbow either down or towards me. Like I said, I haven’t the faintest clue what any of this would represent. I’m open to suggestions.
None of these came with any particularly ominous feelings – but then again, none of them came with any particularly positive feelings either. Everything felt perfectly neutral as I “drifted” through the images one after the other, with me tossing out the subjects above as much from curiosity as anything else. Or maybe I should say I was calm rather than neutral. Either way, that’s an improvement over the precognitive meditations I did that came up with something that felt incredibly bad, especially the burning 2017 calendar from last spring – but admittedly the feelings that come along with the images can be important too, so I’m not certain yet just how much of an improvement it is.