(From Randy Boyum Animations)
I thought for awhile about reflecting more on this entry before blogging it. But as often as I haven’t been on Monastery and Island lately, I was afraid that if I waited, I wouldn’t get the next entry for another two weeks. So here we are.
A friend recently told me that in times past, her own spiritual explorations had resulted in losing herself – and, she explained, she figured out not long ago that this was because she was using them as an escape. Which got me to thinking: Am I doing the same thing? Are these explorations nothing more than an escape for me?
I can’t deny that this is probably part of the reason, and the idea of escaping is compelling. It’s the whole flip side, after all, of my titular Monastery and Island, along with the Hermitage that came alongside these. They’re all meant to be places of calm, study, reflection, and sanctuary, but can all too easily be turned into places to get away and be gone. Until these recent months, after all, my visualizations of the Island were just that – a place to get away from everything and stay there.
And if I want to be completely honest, the notion of escape may have been the most compelling reason when I restarted these explorations. But if that’s so, it didn’t stay that way for long.
I don’t know if this is a good or a bad thing, but while I know my primary motivation should be bettering myself and putting myself in a better position to help myself and others, and to be more open to loving others, I’m pretty sure that my biggest motivation has been sheer curiosity.
I am a curious monkey. I want to know. I want to learn. I’m very rarely bored because almost everything interests me. The idea of whole other universes hiding just on the other side of a thin veil is too intriguing to pass up. I know this is true about me. I’ll own up to it. But I also think it’s more personal – according to theosophy, metaphysics, Jane Roberts, and many other beliefs and believers, there are parts of me existing in those universes. Higher consciousness, subconscious, Higher Self, alternate lives, other lives and incarnations. I don’t just want to learn more about myself and my motivations in this physical world, but also those beyond, and maybe even what I’m really doing here in the first place.
But there’s a risk there too. Where my friend lost herself from a desire to escape, it’s possible, I think, to lose your connection to this physical world – this Schoolhouse Earth that I chose to come to for a specific reason or reasons – if I get too fascinated by all the other worlds that I may be a part of.
Do you remember the hype about the new computer game No Man’s Sky? The world of this game is so vast that, its makers claim, it has a total of 18,446,744,073,709,551,616 that could be explored. That’s 18 quintillion planets. It would literally take you billions of years to explore them all. Now, after the game was released it turned out that most of those planets were pretty much exactly the same as all the others. But imagine a reality like that – where if you take in all the places you could go in the spiritual realms, exploring all your other lives, and all your alternate lives…
Yeah. I could never get it done, not in this physical lifetime and probably not in all my incarnations across time. And in the meantime my connection to this world that I came to in particular would slip away.
I might even, as Seth implied a warning against in Seth Speaks, grow to have a distaste for physical reality, which is definitely not the idea of coming here. But worse still, it doesn’t seem like there would be much point. I would be running off on countless wild goose chases, totally forgetting why I am here (whatever that reason may be), and become so scattered and unfocused that I’d be defeating whatever purpose brought me here.
And never mind all the other countless effects on my life and the people in it. I might end up totally useless to myself and my loved ones, unable to be the person they love and want and need.
I’m guessing that the answer is to figure out how to focus on what would best serve me to learn, best move me towards love, and best point me in the direction I came here to travel. Easier said than done. I’m not (consciously) sure how to go about that. But – and this is a big but – I’m not alone in this. I have not just a treasured handful of people I can walk this path with or close to, but also those other parts of me that have a higher and broader awareness than I do. The ones who, as I’ve mentioned in other entries, are probably responsible for things like the flashes of the true self mirror that I saw, when that had nothing to do with the meditation I was attempting. I was trying to one thing, but those other parts of me knew what I needed more.
It gives a whole new meaning to “We’re all in this together”!